Juggle: Fail

Way back when This Grad School Thing was new, fresh and full of more questions than answers, I got some sage advice from Bill. He said, “Everyone is juggling, Misti. Everyone. The secret is to figure out which balls you can drop that bounce, and which ones break.”

Yesterday, I broke more than I bounced.

I missed a deadline, I had to refocus the thesis and research of my paper, the first rough draft of which is due Monday, my abstract for the conference I want to present this at is due tomorrow so this all readjusted that. There was a point where I found myself in my professors office and just burst into tears.

Not at all unlike those sessions in Ma/Ann’s office at USAO.

I got the director/producer’s manuel for the Listen To Your Mother Show this week. I’m compiling a folder of all the information. Once this semester is successfully finished, once the applications and letters of rec and letters of intent and all the proper information has been turned in on December 15…then I’ll jump into that.

Yesterday was one of the days that….ya’ll…it just tried to swallow me hole. It was defeating. And it sucked.

There is just a lot on my plate for the next few weeks. And I am tired. My brain is tired. My everything is tired.

So it’s time to dig a little deeper and figure out where the energy is going to come from that will get me through one more month. Four more weeks and then . . .

my future will be in the hands of people that are not me

my semester will be finished and nothing else to be done about it

the end of this adventure will be not only within my grasp, but so close I can taste it

I don’t know quite what to make of all that.

It actually won’t matter if I can’t get this paper finished. And finished well. And get the abstract written and submitted. And get The Hidden Hand read by Monday. And get to work today and bang out hair nonstop from 10am until 8pm.

I’ll get some rest next week. Some rest and some good time with people that I love. Refueling, refilling.

But today, today I’m back to juggling.

This time, however, I’m using only the bouncy balls.

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7 Responses to Juggle: Fail

  1. Kathy says:

    Yeesh. That’s a lot. I like Bill’s analogy and support your decision to use the bouncey balls. But I gotta say that I think you are juggling more than many right now. Give yourself SOME credit for all that you are accomplishing at one time. It’s no small feat. That doesn’t mean it has to swallow you. But at the end of each day that you didn’t get swallowed, you should really feel proud of yourself. Hang in there!! You got this…you are SOOO close!!

    • Okieswinn says:

      I think you’re doing a wonderful job of juggling and you are in my daily prayers young lady! When it gets to be a bit over-whelming remember the positive stuff and how 99% of the time you are handing out the butt-kickings not receiving them. Remember all the good things you’ve accomplished on this journey, heck maybe even make a list of positives that you can look at when it gets tough. I also think your use of Social Media (this and FB) are great outlets for you to vent and I am a big believer in venting! You have an incredible support group in your friends, we believe in you, we know you can and will choke this thing all the way out! So when it gets to be over-whelming keep firing these things off, one (and probably several) of us will be there to listen and support.

      Love ya sis,

      Strive for excellence, not perfection.
      H. Jackson Brown Jr.,

  2. Cindy says:

    AHHHHHHH….you are so close to being done with this part! That’s all I got out of this entry. Misti? You’re about to graduate with a masters. Even though you have bad days, i still think you’re bad ass awesome.

  3. Nicole says:

    This has nothing to do with your blog post, but I HAD to share this with you. I was watching Ellen and her monologue instantly made me think of you and how you might respond to these topics. 🙂 Love you, pretty lady!
    http://www.ellentv.com/2012/11/15/cars-for-girls/

  4. Nicole says:

    Okay, also, I assumed that this post was the last one that I read, not realizing that you had posted so recently. BIG HUGS to you, my dear. I hate those days. Just know that I look up to you – your dedication, your brilliance, your creativity, your independence, your willingness to jump out and try new things… and that’s just off the top of my head. Chin up, keep on pluggin’ away. You’re amazing.

  5. Sarah says:

    These are wise friends. Take heart, be encouraged. I do understand about the bouncy. My morning was the kind where I very nearly asked Jack to go harm a student. But that would have just been throwing my balls against a wall and letting them smash. There are sometimes when the juggling gets sooo hard and we are so tired. The end is near. You are smart and beautiful and worthy. You will make it.

  6. Bill says:

    And you know what? It may just be that some of the balls were intended to break. I read something else recently that makes sense to me: There is no such thing as a wrong turn. It may be that you don’t have something you really need to learn from where this path takes you. You are going to be fine. More than fine. Really . . .

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