Do You Know Who I Am?

Do I even dare type the word “change” in this space again? Are we all so OVER IT that the mere sight of those letters put together forming that word will provoke projectile vomiting ala Stand By Me?

Perhaps.

Today, we’ll look at some synonyms:

accommodate, adapt, adjust, alter, alternate, commute, convert, diminish, diverge, diversify, evolve, fluctuate, make innovations, make over, merge, metamorphose, moderate, modify, modulate, mutate, naturalize, recondition, redo, reduce, reform, regenerate, remake, remodel, renovate, reorganize, replace, resolve, restyle, revolutionize, shape, shift, substitute, tamper with, temper, transfigure, transform, translate, transmute, transpose, turn, vacillate, vary, veer, warp.

warp. I like that one. Transform…I really like that one. A Lot.

I’ve been thinking about transformation. Thinking about my impending birthday, and my goals for the next year. The things I’d like to see transformed, and the transformation I’d like to see as a result of all of this past…regeneration.

I was asked at work yesterday by one of the owners, not a hair stylist, “have you made any friends yet.”

My first response was just to say, “Ohsureeveryonehereissonice!” . . . but that really isn’t the case. Everyone IS fine. Some are nicer. Some are in a completely different world than I live in and we have nothing in common…but it made me really think…no. The answer is no. I haven’t made any friends yet. I feel like I might, soon. I hope that I do. I hope that people can get to know me and that they will like me…but as of now, my only friends are my clients. And they aren’t friends. They are Clients. (the line does cross in some instances…)

I wondered if I was being authentic to myself. Was I showing these people who I really am or was I trying to scope out the ones I wanted to like me, and manipulate myself into what I thought their mold of a “cool kid” looked like. I’ve done it all my life. You’ve done it. We’ve all done it…the trick is to recognize when we’re doing it and stop. And get centered and real with who you are and move forward in that vein. The need to connect with people is so great at times, that we will do whatever and sacrifice whatever just to get IN. Just let me IN and THEN you’ll know that I’m smart. and funny. Don’t judge my body. or my clothes. or my lack of style. or my fine, thin hair. Don’t look at my bitten nails or my size 10 (sometimes 11) feet. Please don’t compare me to these cute little bodies that work and live and breathe all around us. Just know me, and I’ll show you.

It’s easy to get lost, in a new place, isn’t it?

Warp.

Warped.

Cindy cited a Ted Talk in her blog today. I watched it…and at least I know my heart isn’t frozen up, because I did cry.

I want you to watch it today. Yeah yeah yeah. it’s 18 minutes. Suck it up. Watch it…think about the connection we have…and what you can do today to authentically connect with someone else. Moving forward just as yourself. Sans the “cool girl” facade. Let’s see what can happen…I see you. Who you are. And I love you. . . just so you know…

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5 Responses to Do You Know Who I Am?

  1. Cindy says:

    Every time I even think of that OK song, I tear up. I don’t know why that spoke so strongly to me. Maybe because the days are rough (for everyone) and we just need someone, anyone to remind us that every thing will be OK.

    It will.

  2. ChromePlatedGirl says:

    Everybody’s all like, “just be yourself,” and I’m like, “which version.”
    But all there versions are true…they just happen to reflect my mood and my immediate surroundings sometimes.

  3. ChromePlatedGirl says:

    Also, I keep singing “If you don’t know me by now-ow, you will never never never know me at aw-all.”

  4. Chris says:

    I think people can only know you, or have some sort of guess about who you are, in a very limited way because it’s based on what you choose to show them. And even then, most people get it wrong because they’re running what you’re like and who you are through their filters, and that can skew the whole damn thing. The real question at all times is, Do you know who you are?

    There’s a lot of this going around lately. It’s almost eerie.

    If you’d like to read the story about that song at the end of Ze’s talk, you can find it here.

  5. Gertrude says:

    They will figure out soon enough dear that you are a gift.

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