I sit here this morning in a sweatshirt and under the covers, with at least one kitty curled up by the open window…and yes. on top of my costume for today. natch. I’ve got my coffee. I’ve got the VH1 Classic Totally 80’s channel on the tv. Santa Fe Soup is in the crockpot warming for todays work potluck. My first appointment canceled so I’ve got a little extra time to just be.

Be Thankful.

I’m taking this time to be really active and present in my state of thankfulness. (and to realize Ted Nuget was really strange looking…big nose holes.)

I am so thankful for my friends and family, who have actually seen past my crazy the last few weeks to push forward and put together a Totally Tubular and Awesome Birthday Bash! TONIGHT!!!! I’m so excited. I really am. and I’m afraid I’m going to cry and streak my spray tan so I’m going to dial it down here…but seriously. How did I get to be so lucky to have all of you in my life? I mean really…I’m not the easiest human to love…sheesh. But you do. and you continue to lift me up from across the world…hands across America, picking me up, brushing me off, whispering…everything will be ok!

So today, I am Thankful for you.
all of you.

Do I even dare type the word “change” in this space again? Are we all so OVER IT that the mere sight of those letters put together forming that word will provoke projectile vomiting ala Stand By Me?

Perhaps.

Today, we’ll look at some synonyms:

accommodate, adapt, adjust, alter, alternate, commute, convert, diminish, diverge, diversify, evolve, fluctuate, make innovations, make over, merge, metamorphose, moderate, modify, modulate, mutate, naturalize, recondition, redo, reduce, reform, regenerate, remake, remodel, renovate, reorganize, replace, resolve, restyle, revolutionize, shape, shift, substitute, tamper with, temper, transfigure, transform, translate, transmute, transpose, turn, vacillate, vary, veer, warp.

warp. I like that one. Transform…I really like that one. A Lot.

I’ve been thinking about transformation. Thinking about my impending birthday, and my goals for the next year. The things I’d like to see transformed, and the transformation I’d like to see as a result of all of this past…regeneration.

I was asked at work yesterday by one of the owners, not a hair stylist, “have you made any friends yet.”

My first response was just to say, “Ohsureeveryonehereissonice!” . . . but that really isn’t the case. Everyone IS fine. Some are nicer. Some are in a completely different world than I live in and we have nothing in common…but it made me really think…no. The answer is no. I haven’t made any friends yet. I feel like I might, soon. I hope that I do. I hope that people can get to know me and that they will like me…but as of now, my only friends are my clients. And they aren’t friends. They are Clients. (the line does cross in some instances…)

I wondered if I was being authentic to myself. Was I showing these people who I really am or was I trying to scope out the ones I wanted to like me, and manipulate myself into what I thought their mold of a “cool kid” looked like. I’ve done it all my life. You’ve done it. We’ve all done it…the trick is to recognize when we’re doing it and stop. And get centered and real with who you are and move forward in that vein. The need to connect with people is so great at times, that we will do whatever and sacrifice whatever just to get IN. Just let me IN and THEN you’ll know that I’m smart. and funny. Don’t judge my body. or my clothes. or my lack of style. or my fine, thin hair. Don’t look at my bitten nails or my size 10 (sometimes 11) feet. Please don’t compare me to these cute little bodies that work and live and breathe all around us. Just know me, and I’ll show you.

It’s easy to get lost, in a new place, isn’t it?

Warp.

Warped.

Cindy cited a Ted Talk in her blog today. I watched it…and at least I know my heart isn’t frozen up, because I did cry.

I want you to watch it today. Yeah yeah yeah. it’s 18 minutes. Suck it up. Watch it…think about the connection we have…and what you can do today to authentically connect with someone else. Moving forward just as yourself. Sans the “cool girl” facade. Let’s see what can happen…I see you. Who you are. And I love you. . . just so you know…

http://video.ted.com/assets/player/swf/EmbedPlayer.swf

I found this jacket today for my 80’s costume.

THIS.

JACKET.

Monday.

Laundry.

Groceries.

Banking/working on taxes.

deliver things back to el reno that are taking up all the room in my car. shop vac. cupcake holders. etc.

make big batch of posole.

clear out the dvr.

rest. perhaps a nap.

I can’t tell you how happy I am to have a day to get some things done on my timeline, with NOTHING to do, and nowhere I MUST be. This is the perfect way to start the week that holds my BIRTHDAY PARTY~

This is Chrome’s birthday weekend. It was actually Friday, and I text her and fb’d her so she knows I love her and have been thinking of her all weekend…sending good joo joo for a new year…it just doesn’t seem right to not commerate it here with a few thoughts.

The blog is not my first priority lately. It’s not because I don’t love you. Or that I don’t NEED to write the jibblejabble out of my brain…it’s just busy. BUT…it doesn’t mean I’m not talking to all of you daily in my head. Which brings us back to the jibblejabble and my need for the writing. aaaaaand full circle.

I’ve had many a memory with our girl Chrome…we’ve got inside jokes that only she and I are in on, and on the one or two occasions a year that we’re breathing the same air we laugh like hyenias and cry like babies. We’ve slept in a car on the side of the road before. We’ve lived in a one room motel room for a summer together. We’ve laughed and we’ve fought like only people who love each other can. The girl likes her coffee at room temperature and her Dr. Pepper warmed by the hot car. She confuses her Dayquil and her Nyquil and sleeps through her soaps on sick days. She is marching in her one woman band straight towards clarity and growth and peace and all things good, and she drops crumbs for us in the way of Dr. Ronnie’isms so that we may be sustained as we follow. She is generous and giving and even when she’s melting right down to the ground she will still be amazed and show you the cool new mascara that slides off your eyelashes in tubes.

This year for her brings a new living arrangement. Which should help her afford to breath a little easier, and will put her closer to her Tribe. All of these things I love. I wish I could be there for her this weekend and help move and paint and diffuse the overwhelmingness of it all. One weekend in the fall of 97 she was living in Cincinnatti an I was living in Goshen, Indiana. She called. (landline. no cell phone for us then) and the panic was setting in. It was moving weekend. and the progress was stifling. I jumped into my little Toyota Corolla and drove south about 4 hours and we got that shit moved right away. That weekend, I tasted my first Starbucks Frappuccino and ate my first Skyline chili dog.

It’s a full moon weekend as well. Last night, we gathered in my yard and as I looked up I heard her voice…”there’ll be another moon”

indeed.

Here’s to a bizzillion of them! Happy Birthday my dear dear friend. Unlike that stinky nasty new drink we tried in that road stop on the side of the turnpike…you ARE my favorite!

Man this week has flown by. I was so busy yesterday…the only thing getting me through was the promise of dinner with Trisha at Ludivine last night. SOOO good, once again. But dude. Tired. Not sleeping this week. Mind rolling. I’m ready for the weekend, though. Hanging out with friends, bartending and getting a little extra $ will be fabulous.

Meanwhile, I’m filling up the mug with more coffee and heading to the shower. Happy Friday, ya’ll. I’m motoring.

What do you get when you’ve been consumed by change and grief and stress and transition?

man.

does it seem like the last 6 weeks or so have been rough over here at Brokedown Palace?

It does to me. and I haven’t gone back and read through the posts…but I just offer up an apology now. Why you come here and read, those of you that do…I don’t know. Maybe it’s to just stay in touch with my life. Maybe it’s for the occasional wit that drips forth. Maybe it’s totally by accident and you thought Misti Ridiculous was a porn star…wow. SOOOO sorry bout your luck there. But for whatever reason, or rhyme you came to be here…I know for a fact that the last few weeks have been juuuuuuuust  slightly less fun than a trip to Auschwitz.

sorry.

Happy pants are on. Hormones are in check. (even though the moon is full, the crazy is at half a glass) Life it seems…has air that is easier to breathe. That makes me happy. Other things have been making me happy as well. Wanna list them? Okiedokie!

1.) Ludivine. The new restaurant that my high school friend is a partner in. Seriously. it is all I’ve been thinking about!

2.) my new salon. I worked and sweated and toiled at that place on Sunday, cleaning, moving, cleaning, moving. one of my managers said, “thank you so much for being here and working. you are so cool for doing this.” and immediately my response was…”i live here now. this is MY salon. so this is what we do.” and that was different. and it felt ok.

3.) my roommate. she makes me laugh every day. she understands that this house has only held me and my crazy. and that there is plenty of room for her and hers. and that someday soon…we WILL see the top of the dining room table.

4.) facebook. I sleep with my phone. it is my alarm so it lays in the bed with me, facedown. On the occasional night that I can’t sleep, I roll over and look at my facebook from my phone. This morning, early, when the rains came and cooled everything off…I realized why I love Facebook so much. I’ve always ALWAYS wanted just one big house. Or commune. where everyone I loved could live. and I would have immediate access to all of them whenever I needed or wanted. Facebook is that house. and I unabashedly love it.

5.) My family. By no means are they #5…at all. But I’ve actually got to spend some quality time with them over the past few months and it just makes me all the more grateful to have them. I hate with my whole heart the miles that separate us. But I hate with my whole heart the miles that separate ALL of us. (see #4) it’s just been really lovely to have facetime. I’m going to Arkansas for Thanksgiving this year. I’ll get to cook. and Blitz with my sis! seriously twisted stuff that I’m soooo excited for!

6.) Fire. I’ve sat in front of a fire twice these past few weeks. This weekend, we shall do it again in my back yard. There’s something just delicious about being bundled up and huddled up by a roaring fire. Double extra credit mental health points if you’re surrounded by friends and a smore.

7.) Bruce Springsteen. Did anyone watch the HBO documentary? I have to say, I’ve always always always harbored a crush on this man. I think it was even before Courtney Cox got plucked from the crowd to dance with him…but maybe that was it. We all wanted to be her. anyways…I’ve been downloading his music lately and I have to say…it just makes me happy. . . “tramps like us baby we were born to run”

8.) empathy. I think I have the gift of empathy. I do. there are so many people around me that are hurting and in pain these days. clients. friends. and I feel it so strongly when they are in my chair, or in my company. I know it’s part of my job to listen and to console and sometimes to even counsel. There are days that it wipes me out. drained dry. But I wouldn’t trade this for the world. perhaps it’s what I was put here to do. my own mission work. today a client left my chair feeling better about facing her father in laws funeral…and that makes me happy.

9.) new friends. I’ve made a few at work. there are a few that seem to be walking around me…hedging their bets…and that’s fine. the more I know, the more I think maybe that’s REALLY fine. but there are a few that make me laugh. engage in banter. help when needed. WHEW!

10.) these crazy ass cats that are all curled up in my bed. the wind has shifted. the moon is full. and it looks like a sale at Koslow’s in my room. yeah, that makes me happy too.

I’ve been going since Thursday of last week…had an amazing dinner with Gert and Joe at Ludivine. AMAZING.

Friday was Fall Fest and the fam was in from Arkansas…lovely sitting by the campfire surrounded by friends and just enjoying the night.

Saturday was a FULL day that also included turning a clients ends pink then having to correct said color and still get out in time to head back to the Frontier for family pictures. Thank the LORD my mom and sis shopped for me because I had nothing to wear in the color scheme. The photos are going to be stunning. I’ll post when I can. After pictures, we took everyone to eat dinner then swimming at mom’s hotel. I had Karly, Delbert’s kiddo. Then my niece Ashlyn was with us, as we were filing out into the hall to head to the pool my sis said, “I feel like Michelle Dugger”

yup.

Sunday was as follows: get up and get ready…really ready not normal Sunday “ready” then take shop vac to my new salon because they’re deep cleaning. Drive to El Reno to get cupcakes from Gert’s house. Back to the city and stop and buy a few products to use as baby shower game prizes since I forgot to go to the supply house when it was open during the week. drive another 3o minutes to Darci’s house and help host Baby A’s shower. Finish up shower then drive back to OKC and head to the salon. Stay and help deep clean for about 3 hours. Meet MGirl and watch some of the Colts game then peace out early due to exhaustion.

Today I went to a color class on the color line that my salon uses. It’s not what I know, so I’m starting from scratch. Brain tired. Make weekly deposit in bank, then home to work on laundry and other household chores…instead I laid down for a teensy tiny little nap and then FLOP. three hours later, I’m up! Mandrea and I headed to a going away dinner for another girl …now…

NOW I’m home. Mandrea and WayneBryan are here. WB brought wine. This is why I love having a roommate.

My entire month of October looks like this. I don’t know how often I’m going to be here. I know..I do it to myself. This is the way I live. I love it. I’m ok with it. I just wanted to stop by and tell you that I feel comfortable about my work. I’m excited for my new week. I’m working on getting organized and financial software bla bla bla. Bits and Pieces. it’s coming together.

That’s it for me kiddos. I’m going to make sure I have something clean to wear then I’ma peace out. Hope your week is fun and happy.

It’s those magical few weeks of the year when my best friend and I are the same age…Gert turns 39 today! Happy Birthday! We’ve said it over and over but it’s the longest, most successful relationship of our lives. I am humbled by her grace every day and think how LUCKY I am to have had a co-pilot, co-conspirator, a witness to my life…

We dined at the new fabulous place in OKC called LUDIVINE last night. Our friend from high school is one of the owners and man oh man are they doing things right down there. It was an amazing meal. Amazing service. Down to the glassware, which just knocked my socks off. If you’re local? GO. If you’re coming to visit? GO.

also? Go over and send some birthday lovin‘ to our girl. It is, after all, her day!

Huzzuah and Halakaleem! Happy Friday!