Whelmed. Under and Over.

So, the debate last night? It was ok. It wasn’t what I guess I’m itching for…everytime McCain spoke in that condecending tone of voice I wanted to scream. The word goodies will always and forever have an icky connotation for me now. Obama was steadfast as usual. Tom Brokaw, bless his heart was more of a kid wrangler with the time limits. and the audience? They must have been threatened within an inch of their lives if they show ANY emotion on their face…I’m ready for voting. Seriously.

Anyone else got the whelms? Over or under? I’m going back and forth between the two, never just steadfast at whelmed.

My heart is really heavy today because…well, I poked the bear and got what I asked for. Way back when, there was a girl at work who was my friend. Ours wasn’t a friendship that was perfect, and trended more to the parental side with me being the parent. Her words. Not mine. We’d been together since the first day of hair school. Well…for many reasons, she’s moved elsewhere with her life and just as effectively moved me out of it. This is not what I’m bemoaning. Totally in sync with my concept of forever and limited windows of time with relationships. The thing is people…when she left, she burnt so many bridges, burnt so many friends, really made things more difficult and ugly for her and everyone around her. Throughout all of that, I tried really hard not to go into the muck. Yes, she’s a difficult personality. But she never personally attacked me, so a lot of that crap, I could forgive. Plus, I just don’t carry around extra junk anymore. So I blessed it and let it go.

She’s about to deliver her first child in a few weeks and after several attempts and rebuffs at contact, I finally wrote to her and the response was…typical. Apparently SHE is completely hurt. SHE doesn’t understand my actions, how I could do that to HER. Bla bla bla, it’s hard to hear her from way up there on the cross.

I was so wrong about her. And I’m sad sad sad for her. I’m not angry at her for feeling what she feels, totally her choice. I mean, at first, knee jerk reaction, I was angry. What the HELL?? I was the one who took the high ground with her. I was the one who just blew it all off and forged ahead. what the hell does she have to be hurt over??? But then I calmed down and realized she can feel whatever she wants to. It’s perfectly her m.o. for relationships. I am just kind of heavy over it, and I guess, needed to work through it.

I do think that forever, the concept of forever is really just one day at a time. I’ve thought that waaaaaaaaay back to the first ex. I think possibly we all get a finite window of time. That some things are only ours for awhile. So maybe she and I were only supposed to get a few years. The end. But you all who know me know how I feel about goodbyes….not my favorite.

Gah. Shake it off.

Guess what I got in the mail this morning? The last two dvd’s of the first season of LIFE!!! So I’m starting my day with some verve and slurp. It’s Humping Day after all…good GOD for a redhead in blue…sigh.

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3 Responses to Whelmed. Under and Over.

  1. Kizz says:

    Damien will make you feel better.

    You’re so much better at blessing and letting go than I am. Good on ya!


  2. Cindy says:

    I now how you feel. I tend to attract crazy people that whig out on me some where in the relationship. I constantly re-run conversations in my head searching for things I could have said our done differently. The truth is there’s nothing. In the end I just have to shrug it off and let it go.

  3. Gertrude Jane McCartney says:

    Well we have got to get you over this and under neath Damien.
    George isn’t too jealous is he?
    He’s been kina kicked to the curb as of late… new flavors of kool aid out there my dear. Plenty.

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