Porch. Wit.

here it is. In it’s entirety. I’ll try to assign each on with it’s owner, but there are some I can’t remember.

Bed ridden with the piss-offs. (all Clemo. And I still say this phrase on an almost daily basis)

You smell like dirty Hindu. (guessing it was Jason)

This sucks 12 inch dick in the Batcave. (mine circa 1990-1991)

I hate it when other people’s intolerances bring out my own. (mine again.)

Whoever would cross the street to go to that house must have balls as big as Texas (me)
Whoever would cross that street would take awhile, because they have balls as big as Texas. (Clemo or Jason. I’m betting Clemo)

My favorite lesson to tlearn is never learning my lesson. (mine. title of my memoir)

It was a drive by yelling. (?) (think it was when Pat drove by and yelled porch monkeys at us)

Jason gets so righteous when he talks about his gas. (bitchlynn probably)

Big hair…Little Richard. (clemo?)

To those who care, no explaination is necessary, and for those who don’t care, no explaination will suffice. (clemo?)

This little piggy went to market.
This little piggy punched you in the eye. (?)

When I win the lottery, I’m going to buy the team and make them take the gay buccaneer and LIKE IT! (bitchlynn)

Once he gets his penetration, it’s all pump and go from there. (??)

it’s the Bob Saget “take it in the nuts” Hour. (?)

First they call it a gift, then they called it a heat seeking missle, and now they’re calling it a ballot box. What the hell is going on in the world? (familar but no clue)

Lynn: I want to hold that lady down and dye her hair.
Misti: I want to just comb her hair
John: I want to turn her upside down and dip her in a vat of caramel.
Misti: We just want to improve her looks, John. We dont’ want to put her on a stick and sell her at the state fair!

Jason’s review of JOE’S APARTMENT: “I was dumber after watching that movie.”

Yup..yup..baked goods make us horny. (am guessing Clemo)

Did some encyclopedia salesman come by her and give you information?
Welll, he did, but he noticed that we didn’t ahve any carpet so he took the encyclopedias back…(no clue)

All of a sudden, I’m William Wallace. (100% Clemo. And to this day you still are my dear.)

Yeah, like that butch neutrality YOU got. (??)

I thought the Spice Girls were a party favor…(??)

It’s hard to remember that your job is to clear out the swamp when your up to your ass in alligators. (Clemo methinks)

Hey! You’ve got your homicide in my law and order!
Hey! you’ve got your law and order in my homicide! (Kizz and Clemo)

There you have it kids. In its original state. Funny we were, in the days of Eddy Street, smelling the funk that was the sugar beet factory and sitting many hours on the porch!!! Ahhhhhhhh. And to think, we would have never known each other….

worth it all.

Have a great day. Huzzuah for Tuesday and I love Damian Lewis. For real.

(I still love George too.)

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6 Responses to Porch. Wit.

  1. Gertrude Jane Garfunkel says:

    Beautiful!
    LMAO!
    Freaking Clemo! xoxo
    I miss Dion.
    Boo.

  2. Kizz says:

    Oh my god, I might have peed my chair a little. We were hilarious! But maybe that’s October information. I loved Bed ridden with the piss offs.

    Hindu was totally Jason.

    Yes porch monkeys was Pat.

    The explanation one was totally Clemo.

    I love Damien Lewis too. Yum.

  3. JRH says:

    I’m a little disappointed in Kizz… no single authorship…

  4. Kizz says:

    The competition was tough and I was one of the last people to show up. I’m sure I was funny but there was a LOT of funny going on that year, Zelda couldn’t possibly have written it all down. For instance no one can match Susan’s Madeleine Kahn impression when screaming about the crack house across the street. And someone (was it me?) did something really silly with shoes on the way to the movies on Thanksgiving but I don’t remember what that was either.

  5. Zelda says:

    Shoes!!!
    Shoes!!!
    where are my shoes?!?!????

    I’m WEARING MY SHOES!!!!!!

    pretty sure that was chrome.

  6. Historiclemo says:

    I one about the little piggy was you and Jason. The one about the heat seeking missle and the ballot box was, if my memory serves, Kizz. I’m sitting in my home office, trying desperately NOT to wake people up, but OH MY GOD this is funny. I’m so glad you found these….every so often, the stars align to produce love and hilarity, and between you and the Kizz, and with the help of the Gertrude, I continue to be the lucky one.

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