The day is here. It’s gorgeous outside right now. . . at 6:45 a.m. The heat will arrive soon. 100 plus for the rest of our lives. It’s ok. The last few days, I have been blessed more times over than one person deserves. My friends who help me sleep and laugh and sing. My friends who just talk me off of the ledge and bring boxes and in the blink of an eye have all the books and stuff packed away. My friends who are just detail oriented tweakers who clean as I pack, pack as I clean, wrap my china in the most delicate of ways, bring big ass boxes and big ass supplies of bubble wrap. My friends who send strength from across the miles, wrapping their arms of support around me…My People. My Tribe. I’m blessed. Thank you all.
I’m over here early today. Woke up at 4:30, stayed in bed till 5:30, the coffee was brewed so I helped myself to a few cups and then jotted out of there. I stink. I am really really stinky. My bathroom isn’t packed, so I’m going to clean myself and take a load out to the new digs. The kitties moved yesterday. They were tweaking too, but when I talked to BonusMom last night the boys were settling in, and KikiMama was still in the carrier. Making a statement we believe. We’ll be ok.
I’m sad about this ending. I’m sad about this relationship gone. It creeps up on me in the weirdest of moments. After we have a conversation and he’s nice and genial and I hang up and burst into tears. Going through the cards we’ve given each other all these years. Thinking of the milestones we’ve shared with his children. Sr. prom, shopping for The Dress, graduation, buying her first diamonds, watching her fall in love with a great guy, traveling to her softball games. The son’s wedding. Losing his Dad, Aunt Ruthie…we’ve been through a lot. I sent an email to his sister, she has yet to respond. I’m not airing dirty laundry to his family. Not my scene. Just wanted her to know. Maybe we won’t talk anymore… I don’t know.
So this morning, I type with tears…tears of sadness and some regret, tears of anticipation and the unknown, tears of relief that we’ve finally closed the door, tears for family that is no longer, tears of excitement for a new beginning. . . tears that I only got about 4 hours of sleep….sigh. But mostly just tears. So much emotion bubbling to the brim, after being on lock down for so long, it’s just there gurgling to get out. So be it.
I only have the bathroom, some stuff in here in the computer room, and part of the garage to get organized. The movers come at noon. I’ll be online at my new place, so while there may be a downtime here, it won’t be too long.