Why is it, when we need words the most, they fail us?
Why is it, when we need to be our most fierce, all we do is cry?
Why is it, when we need to send strength cross country, all we send is ARRGGGGGGHHHH?
I know we handle and process differently. But for once, I’d like to be able to have the magic words. The magic solution. To be able to say, “Ok. Here’s what you do…” and POOF magic.
Obviously I know that’s not the case. Many times there are no words, least of all magic ones. And I know that sometimes just being a sounding board is what is needed. I got it. Sometimes, though, I think my rush to judgement, or rush to emotion come off as condecending or holier-than-thou…and it’s not meant to be.
There have been many times this year that I feel I’ve done that. Not purposly, but have come across that way. Maybe it’s because I’m away from the situation at hand and can see it at a different angle. Maybe it’s because I am removed and not RIGHT THERE. Most of the time, I think it’s because I really have no idea. Truly.
I think back to when my divorce was fresh. I was touring, based in Indiana at the time. Removed from all that was known. All that was “safe”. Wishing against wishes to be in a backyard with little league and cupcakes. My tour partner and I talked and talked and talked. I remember re-hashing many bits and pieces. And at the end of that year, I felt ok. Ok enough to go back home and actually file the papers and get it over with. Who knew that peace could be found within the walls of a Red Roof Inn in Anderson, Indiana?
Different process. Different puzzle.
I don’t know what has me pondering this…it’s been on my mind for about a month now and today I just thought I’d purge.