Big City Blues

Funny the way life runs you around in circles, until you’re so dizzy you could puke, and you’re so happy to have stopped the spinning that you don’t even realize that you are exactly where you started….only a little dizzier, and a little better. Funny that.

Life is good.

Life is different than I ever thought it would be, and exactly how I knew it would somehow be, if that makes any sense. I know it. I feel it. I trust it.

and yet, to those who should really truly know me, I keep defending it.

Frustrating.

I spent the last week in the big City with favorite friends, crazy memories and a soulmate. one word. soulmate. and it was fantastic to get fueled up again, to feel known again. Yet there was more than one moment, that I had to repeat, yes. I love it. Yes. I’m happy. YES ITS FUCKING AWESOME.

for those of you that know me, don’t you think I’d have hit the road by now if it was anything I didn’t feel like fighting for???

And we can do the devil’s advocate thing, I know they care and are fully justified in wanting to be completly one hundred percent sure that I am ass deep in bliss. . . but when did my word cease to hold merit?

and when did it become ok to just ignore it? Don’t talk about it, don’t ask questions or discuss it at all, that way we won’t have to let you hear our voices that say…..bless your heart you just settled.

and that is what I heard from them.

and I feel sad for them. . .

because I didn’t. I’m happy. A few knew it. Know it. Supports me a thousand miles away every day.

that is enough.

for the others. . . I wonder. Is it me they are sad for, or is it for themselves. . . for the dreams of Theirs that I didn’t make come true? I found other dreams…and that is OK.

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One Response to Big City Blues

  1. Kizz says:

    You know, all the people in question are people who have known you only in theatre and who have had a vested interest in what you do in the theatre. So, they’re prejudiced and it has at least a little to do with how they feel about themselves. They’re going to need a little reassurance before they can change course like this. Still sucks but I don’t think they mean it as a slam to you, they’re just trying to understand and they’re coming from a place where it’s a big step for them.

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